Enslaved to Writer's Block

Stuck inside these long, blank halls

Held captive by my own restraints

That limit the freedom for flow these thoughts and all.

Is inspiration lurking around the corner?

Or is it the thoughts inside my head roaming in search of escape with no place to stay?

They’re racing, raging , pacing everywhere around me.

Should I set them free or entertain the delay of unbinding?

Creativity lacks me or I disable its passage?

I place the limit; I oppress them without knowing so.

I’m not getting very far.

I put the breaks on when I need to keep moving forward.

My desire is that of the hare, but my existence- the tortoise.

Contradictions bind my progress as if I’m stuck in mud with a rope to pull myself out.

I can’t stand by my words, they fall to the wayside.

Focus is a distant land that I have yet to see with my own eyes.

Concentration has turned into flies buzzing all around.

I convulse without end, and need control and liberty all in the same moment.

I deeply inhale the chaos inside the bars of this prison.

Chasing all that catches my eye,

I can’t seem to finish what I began.

There’s a dream with a deadline, but I allow fear to guide me to failure.

Inspiration, can we be friends? Purpose will you pursue me?

Red rover, red rover, let me come over?

How can the enemy face defeat if the hero is a villain too?

I need a key, an escape, a breakthrough,

a fix, and a cure for this madness.

Is the bridge to conquering stable, or will I indefinitely cause each wooden board to fall beneath my unsteady feet?

The hourglass is reaching capacity. Time hasn’t abandoned me yet.

Will I take the next step?

If I cling to my pen will these words be accepted?

Will they leak out of the ink in my veins, and swim away to safety?

This vicious cycle has pulled me under its current many instances before.

Does it end when they set foot on the shore?

What’s a finish line?

Alien of success,

Let go of me.

Simply, let it be.

αγάπη agápē

Howdy y'all!

I just wanted to blog out my thoughts about something I saw on Twitter today.

"@HolyGod" on Twitter said "Repent and find love." I just find something about that to not makes sense. To repent means to changes one's way of thinking/way of doing. Now, if we think about it, what person is going to "repent" without being led to do so by love? You have to experience God's love first hand before you are going to be drawn to repentance. If love is not the motivating factor for change, as repentance suggests, then there will be no change of heart or mind. I had to experience the depth of God's love and the reality of His love before I ever wanted to change and felt compelled to change. Without LOVE, HIS LOVE, then there will be no repentance. It's like telling someone to stop "sinning" or telling them to "break a bad habit", and expecting them to just stop. If there is no motivation for change, it won't ever happen. Telling a human to stop sinning means nothing, and doesn't work, unless a human has experience the greatness of God's love. It is the love of Jesus Christ that compels us and draws us towards sanctification and wanting to be better follower of Him.

Without love, there is insanity. Insanity is doing the same thing again and again, but expecting different results. Telling someone to change or to not sin is insanity if they have not experience the unfailing, unrelenting, magnificent, and perfect love of God.

Without love we are nothing. Without His love there is never any sort of change. Without love, His love, we cease to exist.

αγάπη= agápē in Greek :)

I φιλíα Y'all! :) (means Philia in Greek, which is friendship/brotherly love)

I can't wait to take Greek next year. yess.

Have a lovely day! :)

ἀγαπητός (Agapetos, or Beloved) of God,

Meagan Kate :)

The Lord Reigns :)

G'day mates! (Imagine that in the australian accent that I wish I had, haha)

It's a cozy, rainy day here in the great city of Abilene. The city that must not believe in rain because it always floods due to the lack of draining systems. haha

I like the rain. I like to stomp through the puddles in my awesome whale rain boots. But wind + rain= no bueno. Some people might find rainy days boring or depressing, but I find them comforting. When it physically rains it makes me think about Jesus reigning. :) My friend's mom has a cool umbrella that says "Jesus reigns," or something along those lines. That's what I think about every time it rains. In my Bible class we've been studying the book of Revelation- which has been so legit! The main point of Revelation is not what the end of the world will be like, although that is clearly discussed in the book. The point of Revelation is to encourage followers of Christ to live in a way like you know that Jesus reigns, and that God's team wins in the end. :) Urgency is a theme of the book. Urgency of living each day like you know that Jesus could come back at any time. Well, urgency "without being an idiot or irresponsible"- as my professor Randy Harris puts it. So to me, the rain is a reminder of who really reigns over the world in the end- Jesus Christ. :) While circumstances and things in the physical realm may show signs opposite of that truth, God's got control- full and complete control. That is what comforts my heart. Rain is beautiful. God is beautiful. God knows and claims the outcome. Do you? It is written. I want to live my life to reflect that I know the outcome. Circumstances and this world might have less power over our lives if all of the followers of Christ claimed the victory and power that Jesus fully claims and possesses.

Just my thoughts.

Live it like you believe & know it to be true.

Love y'allllll :)

He reigns,

Meagan Kate :)

Measuring God's Love...

Good day everyone, or should I say, Good evening! :)

Just sitting here blogging and painting my fingernails. :) yeauh. I am probably obsessed with nail polish a little too much. haha!

But anyways, let's talk! Many excellent things occurred in the previous span of 24 hours for me. First, I decided I'm going to be studying abroad sometime next year. Right now it's looking like I will be studying in Germany next spring (2011). I am so unbelievably pumped. I've filled out most of my application and just have to get my reference forms done, then I will be closer to having my spot reserved for study abroad in Germany. :) The choices were Oxford in the fall and germany in the spring. Here's why I choose Germany: 1. I've already been to England and wasn't a fan. 2. The courses offered in Germany seem more interesting and apply to my major. 3. I've never been to Germany and will have many opportunities that semester to travel all over Europe on small trips. :) So, there's my reasoning! I adore traveling. I want to see as much of God's creation as possible. Traveling is a top passion/goal for my life I guess? Yes. :) I am so excited.

This may be minor to you, but I am an extreme fan of LOST! and tonight was the premiere. It was so good, I enjoyed it! I wish I would have been able to watch it at home with my dad and step mom, who are also hooked on LOST.

I had an amazing run tonight. I had sooooo much built up adrenaline that I needed to let loose. It felt so good. I'm so blessed that God has given me the ability to run. It's one of my favorite ways to connect with God & with nature. :)

I'm really happy with my life right now- not because of current circumstances, but because I am growing more and more with God each day. He is showing me how beautifully He romances me and how He completely meets all of my desires and needs. I've never gotten so close to that place. Falling for God is amazing, because He will always catch me. His feelings for me never leave or run out. I am His bride forever, which I still can't grasp my mind around- but it is freeing. Obviously, I still desire marriage and relationship with my future husband one day- but now I am starting to see how I don't "need" that. You know? I am content with God and He will never fail me. I am starting to completely trust Him. He's taking me deeper and deeper each day. Man, I wish every person in the world could experience His love the way I have! By no means am I a "perfect person" or "perfect follower of Christ." I am far from that, and I most certainly have not mastered faith. God is just increasing my faith. I am growing in my walk with Him- becoming more familiar with His leading and letting myself walk out into the unknown trusting that His plans are for good. And, they definitely are- it's always for my good. He has my best interest at heart. The other day, I was talking with God near my favorite place on campus- Jacob's Dream- and he told me to be quiet because He wanted to tell me what He thought and felt about me. It was funny and amazing at the same time. Funny, that he told me to stop praising him for a minute so He could express His love for me. You know, often times I can't find the words to truly express to God how great He really is because God is not contained by words. That day, God told me that words aren't enough to express His love to me. That makes me think of this verse: Psalm 139: 17-18 "How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. " That's probably one of the most romantic things about God, I think. To try to even imagine the number of ALL of the sand in the ENTIRE WORLD- is just mind boggling. That's a heck of a lot of sand, and a heck of a lot of thoughts all about me, and about you. ;) God is so good! His love is immeasurable! crazy stuff!

Well, it's somewhat late and my sleep schedule hasn't been the best lately, so I'm going to get some shut eye.

I'll post again tomorrow if time permits. :)

Remember, capture each moment of life because time is running out. The clock will stop ticking some day, and eternity will be all that's left. Make it count, make it purposeful, and love without end. Die so you can live.

Love y'all (imagine that with a texan accent that I don't really have ;) )

Just a messenger,

Meagan Kate :)

It's been a while...

hello again world,

I haven't blogged in forever, but I really want to start keeping up with this an blogging regularly, more so for me than you. I journal constantly, but sometimes it's hard to write everything down and still have time for everything else. So, yes.

I have never wanted to be a person who lives to please people. I hate conforming. Uniqueness is precious in my mind. You know? I like being different, not following society. Set apart. That's what God calls it at least. :) Critics, jump in line- let's hear it. Like I mentioned before, I'm not living to please people. I like to please my Creator. It's not in a "I'm better than you sort of way"- because I certainly am not. I just don't live my life for people, nor for myself. I live it for the Lord. Have a problem with me talking about Jesus constantly? Okay. That doesn't at all mean I'm going to close my mouth for one minute. I will praise Him with my last dying breath. And after I "die" I will praise Him for all of eternity. :) I look at it this way- when you're madly in love with someone, you talk about them constantly. Well the same applies to me, I'm in love and I won't keep quiet about it. This blog probably will talk about my Love more than anything else. I won't push it down your throat, but if you don't want to hear it- simply choose not to listen. :)

Anyways, I've been wondering some things lately. Risks- to take them or not? Avoid risks to avoid getting hurt, or abandon all fears of taking risks? Hmm. Another thing- why do people make things harder and more complicated than necessary? I hate games. Mind games, manipulation games, and confusion games. You know, people play games in life. I like people who are honest and straight forward. Okay, okay- so I have not perfected this, but I never will. I try to be straight forward and always honest, but I do tend to hold myself back/hold things back until I feel like I can be vulnerable. This makes me think of guarding your heart. DANG- guarding your heart is like, the HARDEST thing to do ever. Jesus has my heart 100%, but it's hard to tell who to let in, and when to be vulnerable. I'd like to think I'm pretty vulnerable, in a good way, but I don't want to be too vulnerable. Complication is no good. haha ...

I just talked to a friend who has been working in the afternoons in a Hospice place. She told me how it really puts things into perspective... especially the little things- for instance, complaining about tests and whatnot. But people out there are dying. Their clock is ticking out of time. Yet I am sitting here complaining about getting an education while I am breathing and living without any problems? I want to embrace each day like that- don't complain about getting to do something while I have time. Food for thought.

Blahhh it's late, I still have loads of reading to do for class- embrace it :) Sorry if my thoughts seem to be running together.

Here are some songs that I've found myself digging lately (lolz):

*In my Head- Jason DeRulo (it's really catchy)

*Electrify- Mutemath

*Say so- My Favorite Highway

*Answer- Blake & Kate

*She is Love- Parachute

*1000 things- Jason Mraz

Love y'all!

Check it.

Moving, breathing, and living in Him,

Meagan :)