Emotions

I went for a drive tonight. I tend to do that when I have a lot on my mind, and just want to get away for a bit. I cranked up some worship music and just soaked in God's presence. It was really good to encounter God that way after having an emotional afternoon.
I told God that I was sorry He has to put up with my emotions. But then He sweetly reminded me that He gave me my emotions, longings, and desires. He knows my heart, my emotions, and my frustrations even better than I think I do. He loves me. He crafted me in His image. God has emotions, too. He even wept when He was on earth. (shortest verse ever "Jesus wept.") What a powerful scripture though! Jesus experienced emotional strife, grief, and sorrow just like we do! Images of the afternoon I spent crying - because I'm such an emotional girl sometimes (haha)- flashed through my mind while I drove. I mean, I'm being completely vulnerable here. I cried this afternoon for the first time in a while, I mean really cried. It was more out of frustration and longing than out of sadness. Another image flashed in my head, and this time Jesus was laying on my bed next to me. He was weeping with me, catching my tears, and experiencing the broken-heartedness that I was feeling in that moment.
In my car tonight, Jesus wiped the tears away. He restored my soul and reminded me of His faithful love that never breaks my heart and that will never leave me. He reminded me of His promises for my future... reminded me that I lack no good thing and that He withholds NOTHING from me... and that He will give me my heart's desire because HE is my heart's desire first. While there may be pain in the night of this area of my heart- joy will come in the morning. Joy and abundance greater than I could think or imagine. God fills my every need. He completes my heart and gives me hope for the promises yet to come true. Most of all, He weeps with me. He feels emotions, too. He experiences heartbreak over the things I am sorrowed by. When my soul is feeling cast down, His uncircumstantial joy fills me up. The joy of the LORD is my strength.

"You fill me. You see me. You know my every move and You love for me to sing to You. I know that You are for me. I know that You are for me. I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness. I know that You have come down, even if to write upon my heart to remind me of who You are."

Thank You, God, for reminding me of Your powerful, filling, romantic, abundant, and unending love. Thank You for being with me when I cry, and for sending me new, fresh encounters with Your love when I feel unloved by people. Your grace is sufficient, and Your love is more than enough for me. Your love is greater than any human love.

God's love cannot be beat! <3

Road Rage

I am extremely guilty of that thing called road rage. I might use excuses such as "people are idiots and don't know how to drive" "that guy was riding my bumper when I was already going 10 over the speed limit" "unsafe drivers should not be allowed on the road." etc.
While driving back to Abilene after being home last weekend I encountered many crazy people on the road who immensely frustrated me. I can't control anyone but myself. And even if people are driving dangerously, selfishly, and idiotically- I still choose how I react to that.
To be honest, I have been one to lay on my horn for multiple seconds when someone cuts me off, doesn't use their blinker & then cuts me off, or almost smashes into my car. I also am one to pump the breaks when that driver who is always in a hurry rides my bumper and isn't patient. And I even sometimes shake my head when that driver rudely passes me. Would Jesus respond in this way? Hmm...

As I said, I am only in control of me. My actions, and better yet- my driving, is reflection of myself and of the God I claim as my Savior. I have a big "not of this world" cross on my back window of my car. I am repping Christ on my automobile each time I drive it. Does my driving represent Him though? I want my actions to continually be reflective of His love and of who He is. Even when people frustrate me on the road- I still want to drive in a way that supports that bumper sticker that is on my car for all to see.

Not just in driving, but in everything I do- and everywhere I go- I represent Jesus (whether it be positively or negatively). I'd like to positively display HIm through my actions, and be a reflection of His love & character at ALL times.

Food for though!

Peace & Love y'all! <3

Let's get real for a minute...

The way that you dwell in the past makes me feel like I'm not good enough.
It makes me not feel very valuable.
But hold up... My value doesn't come from you in the first place, although it would just be nice to know that I am desired by a human being...
appreciated for who I really am...
chosen first above the other billions to choose from.
I want to be the first choice.
I want to be desirable because I have something unique to offer that no one else can give you.
I just want to feel secure.
I want to not be afraid, and to not hold back anything.
I have so much to give.
I wish I knew that was not only noticed, but longed for.
I want to feel so comfortable that I can just throw everything all out on the table... the good, the bad, but most of all the potential.
I want to experience human love like I never have before.
I'm not saying I need you and am desperate for you,
because I am a whole, complete person and I lack nothing, but the experience of this kind of human love.
I'm not asking you to give me what you do not have.
I would desire every part of you that makes you who you are.
The extreme amount of loyalty I have- I want you to cherish that.
I desire for you to catch a glimpse of the depth of my soul.
I want you to be captivated by me.
I desire for you to be drawn to my heart.
I want you to know how valuable I am.
I want to make you laugh, and for you to love my laugh.
I want to be missed by you.
I so desire for you to fix your eyes upon me, in a state of vulnerability, and know that you see me...
that you see the beauty I offer to the world... the love I could offer you...
I want to bring a smile to your face every time you see me...
I don't want to be out of sight, and especially not out of your mind...
I have experienced the greatest Love out there to the fullest....
And now I am not only curious about, but I yearn for a new level of human love...

I often wonder if such a love exists because I have yet to experience it, but I know it has to exist because I know the Maker of love.

I yearn for this human companionship where I see and love you for what you are and for what you're not. And where you choose me, and choose to love every part of me.


I'm just being real.